In 2004 I joined a message board entitled, Unknown Country. It was a take off of Whitley Streiber's UFO encounters and his popular book, Communion, which was turned into a movie starring Christopher Walken. Little did I know it would truly take me beyond the unknown and into territories I'd rather not explore.
Up until the Fall of 2007 I thought I'd been the unwilling victim of alien experiments. That sounds really absurd in my current frame of mind. I had read every book I could get my hands on regarding UFO's and aliens. From an early age I truly believed that E.T.'s existed and that they were here to benefit humanity. I came to see many years later that this was a clever game at my expense. This was no fault of my parents. They simply didn't know what I was reading. I'd retire to my room for hours on end, placing signs on my door, requiring total privacy. High school, for the most part, was me exploring Theosophy, Extraterrestrials, and "meditating". I didn't know what path it would lead me down.
From my basis with Theosophy I developed a love for power, thinking it would lead to some great spiritual evolution (read part one of this series). If I could think it, so shall it be. I thought I could control every scenario presented to me. But that turned out to be woefully inaccurate. The first few serious boyfriends I had were a representation of this. I tried to mold them, controlling every aspect of the relationship. It worked...for a while. Then the clay began to unravel. When that occurred, the master mason, didn't like the results. I eventually married but kept my domineering ways.
Marriage didn't change too much and I continued my quest down, what I call, the power path. I joined multiple message boards. I conversed with the operators of those boards, like Jim Marrs, and Whitley Streiber. I even contacted Uri Geller one time thinking the spoon-bending magnifico would impart some of his knowledge. His response was lackluster and I was left craving something more. I thought these, more knowledgeable people, could lead me to something better.
I started to have nightmares. I did not equate my dabbling into the New Age or occult fields as contributing to my often chaotic nights. For a time it actually drove me further into my New Age studies. I started dabbling in Wicca, thinking I could do spells to drive away the entities that plagued me at night. The situation only became more tenuous. In the summer of 2007 I was having nightmares for a month straight, actually waking up and screaming at night. I could feel the presence of something in my room on more than one occasion. I had a very vivid encounter of being taken beyond the stars to a place where giants lived. It was a long encounter and it came to be understood that these were the Nephilim from the old testament in the Bible (I may present a blog about that encounter at a later date).
As time progressed I became more desperate. Obviously turning to the New Age movement or Wicca had not worked. But, alas, salvation, appeared. It's hard to describe unless you've been drawn back from the brink. I remember reading in bed one night in September of 2007, while my husband slept peacefully, and just dreading going to sleep. I would read as long as possible and then try to get some shut eye before work. Instantly a thought popped into my head, "Why don't you ask God for help?" I had not talked to God like that in a long time. For years I labeled myself as an Agnostic, brainwashing myself into believing aliens had created us based on the texts of Jim Marrs (who I still respect in some ways), and Zechariah Sitchin.
The thought began to form that maybe these aliens were not really otherworldly at all. I began to dwell upon the possibility that they were sent by a dark and malicious force to trick us into believing that God did not really create us. The ultimate deception by the one who would want to rule us. I had tried everything else (including Ambien and Lunesta which gave me hallucinations and chest pains), so I thought what the heck and asked God to help me sleep. To my astonishment I slept that night and many nights after that.
Ever since that September I have been forging a new relationship with God and I have come to accept Jesus as the guy who pulled me away from the edge of a very dark abyss. I have seen God work miracles in my life and the lives of my family and friends. I still struggle spiritually and during those times I am more prone to nightmares. But it's usually God telling me I've got to straighten out another wrinkle I didn't realize was there. I do not have near the experiences I did when I was ignoring God.
When I asked him for help that night it was sort of a half-hearted, "yeah we'll see what happens". Some may argue it was the power of my own suggestion. Not to be too prideful, but my mind is far too over-analytical to ever trick myself into anything. If you know me you'll probably be nodding your head at this point. If there are others who struggle at night or have these odd experiences it may be worth a shot to simply ask God for help. He loves and wants to help us and he doesn't give up easily. I am a testament to the years he has spent waiting for me to come around.
I'll leave you with this verse:
And he told this parable: “A man had a fig tree planted in his vineyard, and he came seeking fruit on it and found none. And he said to the vinedresser, ‘Look, for three years now I have come seeking fruit on this fig tree, and I find none. Cut it down. Why should it use up the ground?’ And he answered him, ‘Sir, let it alone this year also, until I dig around it and put on manure. Then if it should bear fruit next year, well and good; but if not, you can cut it down.’” Luke 13:6-9.
