In the last few years I have explored a variety of topics on this blog. My college experiences, spiritual warfare, and being a parent for the first time. Like a true looking glass, my blog has reflected my increasing negativity with the world around me. I mean, come on, what's to like these days? Do we really like the rapid pace at which information bombards our neurons on a daily basis, desensitizing us and making us feel small and helpless? Do we like the ever-multiplying tentacles of government reaching into our lives, suctioning on, like leeches, siphoning off money and our privacy? The increasing noise and light pollution as population centers become a living organism showcasing the materialism and greed that feeds our dysfunctional system? Susan Powter is in my head now crying out, "Stop the insanity!" So I will listen to Susan and her closely cropped hair and focus on what I love about this world and what I am grateful for.
I love my family. My husband has been my biggest fan and supporter in whatever I have decided to do. He had no qualms about me returning to school and finishing my degree. He waited patiently while I decided whether I wanted to try and have a child or to pursue a career. I really am not equipped to do both and he totally understood that. He makes me laugh every single day with the exception of when we had Norovirus. But we may have cracked a few jokes about not having anything left to throw up, totally underestimating the power of that virus. Yes, you will throw up when there is nothing left and it will hurt. Do not make fun of Norovirus, it is the Sean Penn of the virus world.
I love my daughter. She also makes me laugh everyday but she does more of a Three Stooges routine. She literally has tried to poke my eyes out and it is funny. My little family is everything to me and, for the moment, they are my purpose on this planet. God has gifted me with beautiful souls and it is an awe-inspiring, humbling experience.
I am eternally grateful for the bond I have with my mother. She had me at a young age and in some ways we have grown up together. Frequently, I will call her or she will call me and we will be thinking of the same things to cook for dinner. I see now in my relationship with my daughter, the psychic link that develops between mother and child. It transcends anything measurable or evidence based. It is of great comfort to know that there is at least one person on the planet who is feeling the way you do or at least has the capability to look into your eyes and immediately understands, with no questions. This often leads me to wonder about Mary and her son Jesus. If she felt what he was going through when he bore the cross for the rest of humanity.
Finally, I love and am grateful for me. Hey, I wouldn't be here without me. That makes sense in my head and Susan Powter agrees. I believe we all go through moments where we gaze into our own looking glasses and say, "Who the hell are you?" Maybe it happens after a night of too many cocktails, or after you have lost your temper with a loved one. A moment of self-loathing. If you haven't been there, well you are probably delusional and I'll send Ms. Powter to help you.
Too much of my life was spent not appreciating the hazel eyes that were looking back at me. I didn't see the funny, sweet, strong person in my looking glass. I think only because of my daughter I see someone different. Through her new eyes, I see the person that I know I am capable of being. She doesn't know my past, she doesn't see how hard I am on myself. She just sees mommy. The one who feeds her everyday and plays with her. The one who sings to her, sometimes slightly off-key, okay, maybe a lot off-key. But that is all she knows and really, that is all I would like to know too. The person who tries her hardest but still sometimes fails and picks herself back up again. As Mary watched Jesus and only saw his humanity. That is what I want to see, just me through the lens of resurrected sight. :)
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